What IF

What if…

She wanted more,

A lot more.

Beyond what we saw,

Beyond what we felt;

What we thought was a life full of happiness and wealth.

What if…

She wanted more,

A lot more,

Because what she saw was all a dream

A life that existed as a cover to hide what was real.

What if…

She showed the world what it wanted to see?

Her life – your entertainment, and it was all for free.

What if…

What she showed the world was all a lie?

And the only strength she had, she used not to break down and cry…?

What if…

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She was not just a woman, but she was the one wearing the cape,

And the idea of a superMAN was all so fake?

What if…

She wasn’t the one in need of saving,

And respect was the only things she’s been craving.

What if…

She could share her pain with the world and not be judged?

Ms. Misunderstood just wants to be Ms. Understood.

What if…

She was seen for who she is, and not who we told her to be?

Another one of us; a person like you… a person like me.

What if…

She could just let go, LIKE US

Show weakness, LIKE US

Be vulnerable LIKE US

Stop fighting for one day… LIKE US

And feel alive

Feel what it means to smile

Feel what it means to not be empty inside

Feel the climax of happiness like a roller-coaster ride…

What if…

She could be her own person

Create her own life

Set her own rules

Be her own self!

What if…

We didn’t have to ask what if!!

Kids Hungry For Love

I need to tell you about my day today. Today was such an amazing day, shared with amazing people, creating amazing cherished memories.

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So today a group of us, me along with other exchange students, went to a city in the Philippines called Antipolo City to assist the FEED Philippines Organization. “Their work focuses in organizing feeding and nourishment programs in public schools and the poorest of poor communities in the country”. The community that we went to today was a former dump site in the city of Antipolo. Despite the unsanitary conditions and excess amount of garbage being on the location, families who could not afford different living conditions made this site their home.

Before going to this community, we were briefed by some of the members of the organization on what to expect; like what they do, living conditions of the families and also the amount of children that they help. It was so emotionally overwhelming having to take in all of that reality. It’s just sad to think, to know, to hear that there are people…..CHILDREN living under such unfortunate conditions. You know, it’s one of those things in life that you know happens, you see it happens, but its just not something you can get used to. But as they continued to tell us about the work that they do, it also formed a good feeling because you also hear the positive impact that they are having on the different communities and with all of the children. We were really educated today on the life in different parts of the Philippines. It’s was really good being able to hear the different insights of the life in the country.

Just in case you were wondering, it wasn’t only story time. Each of us were occupied by helping prepare the meal that the kids were gonna eat for the day. Some focused on the rice, some on the chicken and some on the eggs. So while our ears were occupied listening, our hands were just as occupied. We were so many that the cooking process took little to no time, so it didn’t take long before it was time to meet the kids!

As we entered the area walking the streets, we were immediately approached by many of the kids and greeted by so many people. It felt as though they were so amazed and happy to see us in the community, not knowing WE were the amazed and excited ones to be able to be there and share our love with them. It was so comforting being immediately hit by such kind and positive energy. All of the kids were so open, so friendly and soooooooooooooooooo energetic hahahahaha. Before we got into the church yard of the community, we were already fully engaged with the kids, playing random games and making jokes with them.

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While in the streets we thought the kids that were already playing with us were all of the kids for the day, but as the gate for the church opened up we realized that we were wrong. There were so many more kids waiting, and joining in on the fun. There were kids everywhere; kids on both arms, on both legs, and your back, and yet more still wanted to jump on the kids that were already hanging on you hahahaha! Sadly, we had to tone the fun down a bit, just for a short bit. Just to formally start the day off we had an assembly where we prayed first, then the kids were informed why we were there, and then we each introduced ourselves to the kids so that they could be more familiar with who we are. The kids we so open to us, so happy to meet us, to hear us say hello, to say our names, just to have our company. Although they seem interested in us introducing ourselves, they seemed more interested in playing with us. So we made that introduction part short because who has time to talk all day when we can be outside playing right?! Hahahaha. During the remainder of the day we actively engaged with ALL of the kids. We set up different groups and played different games with them such as; duck duck goose, musical chairs, red light – green light – stop. These were just some of the games we played, and of course we joined in on the fun and participated in each game. It was so heartwarming to see the beautiful smiles on each of their faces. To have a day filled with laughter, joy and love, that is what I call a perfect day! But even perfect days come to an end, sadly that end came for us too quick. It took us so long to leave because we couldn’t stop saying goodbye and having fun with the kids, and they weren’t ready to let us go either. It was a bitter sweet ending of our day. The kids followed us as far as they could just smiling and waving while we did the same. Heavy goodbyes to kids who made our day and filled us with smiles!!!

These kids may be living a poor life according to the standards of society, but as living proof they prove that money isn’t the source of happiness. These are kids that don’t have the luxury of having guaranteed meals everyday but yet their stomachs isn’t all they’re looking to fill. These kids showed me today that LOVE is enough to keep you going, LOVE is meant to be shared. They are all hungry for love, and I am grateful that today we were able to fill not only their stomachs, but their hearts.

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Everywhere you are in the world there will be children who are living a less fortunate life than you. Helping them out, making them happy doesn’t require anything more than showing that you care. If you can, I urge you to connect with an organization or someone who can take you to see kids who are hungry for love. By sharing love you will be amazed by how fulfilling you yourself will feel too.

 

I’m Gone To Fill-A-Peen?

Who would’ve thought that I would end up here?? 

Like seriously, I’m in the PHILIPPINES!!

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It’s already been about 2 months that I’ve been in Asia, in the Philippines to be exact, and I can still feel the excitement each and every day. To be honest, before being presented with the opportunity to come to the Philippines, I never thought that I would ever end up here. Even when the opportunity presented itself I never thought that I would actually jump at it, but here I am! It’s crazy how life unfolds, crazy how life changes, crazy how unexpected life can be. Where I am right now, this feeling, this experience, it’s all so surreal.  Somebody pinch me, a matter fact please don’t, because if this is a dream then I don’t wanna ever wake up!

Question: Why the Philippines? “Why NOT? I’ve always wanted to take a trip to Asia, the Philippines just happened to be the place that the universe placed me”. 

When I arrived in Manila I could already feel a change in the atmosphere. For me personally, someone’s look, facial expression and body language says a lot. While on the airport, walking through the terminal I could feel eyes following me everywhere, but these eyes weren’t judgmental eyes, they were welcoming eyes. Friendly eyes accompanied by friendly smiles, which made me immediately feel that I made the right decision coming here. Luckily and happily, these eyes followed me throughout the entire Philippines.

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My experience so far has been such a calming, relaxing and adventurous one. The FILIPINOS…….listen, these are some of the friendliest people I’ve ever met in the world, and I’m saying this from both a subjective and objective stand point. I feel grateful that I can be surrounded by positive vibes and positive energy each and every day. The culture here is one that brings out the best in you. I know that most people have heard of the harsh and cruel acts of the President, but he doesn’t represent who the people are. While he may be hateful and cruel, the people are gentle, friendly and kind. I’ve been to different parts of the country and the friendliness remains consistent. Thinking about how friendly the culture is here and how friendly the people are, as refreshing as it is to experience, it’s sad to think that I can be surprised by this. The world has become such a negative place to live in that being surrounded by such positive and happy people feels like it’s all a dream. But I’m happy to see, to know and to experience that there’s still hope in this world.

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Question: How is life in the Philippines? “Different, absolutely different. It’s hard for me to describe in words and translate my experience, I just wish you could one day experience it for yourself”. 

Of all my experiences in the Philippines, creating new friendships is the most worthwhile one. I’ve met so many people since I’ve been here. From day 1 up until day TODAY I’ve been meeting new people on a constant. I’ve made new friends from Europe, America and of course from Asia, ranging from exchange students, to regular students, to locals. It’s been such a pleasure thus far creating memories that will stick with me forever. Learning about new cultures, new FOOOOOOOOOOOOD, being able to party in a new environment, being able to play VOLLEYBALL with a new team that welcomes me and makes me feel at home, learning a whole new lifestyle, seeing new places……WOW! I’m so happy and thankful for it all and for the people who are making this journey forever memorable! It’s been a great ride so far, I’m looking forward to every tomorrow!!!

Stay tuned for more insights on my journey…..!!!

She Just Wants To Live

……..what is she to do?

Growing up in a world where she’s judged by everything assumed, but nothing that’s true.

Her person, her character, her actions……HER LIFE,

All that she is, taken away from her by HIS words.

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She wakes up everyday just as everyone does,

Happy and confident

….until she remembers how yesterday was.

She’s haunted….traumatized….

By the reality…..

Not HER reality, but the reality of the society she lives in.

 

No one knows her but herself,

No one understands her but herself.

Her life is an open book, every page filled with words,

But yet when HE reads her, who she is cannot be heard.

He erases her story and writes HIS own,

Smudged ink stains all over, scratching away all of her that she’s known.

 

HE tries to devaluate the human that she is, the woman that she is!

 

WOMAN! A word that holds a magnitude of meaning,

A word that is being misinterpreted for no reason.

This woman isn’t trying to be better than him,

But yet his insecurities needs satisfaction with a win…

That’s why he forces her to compete…

…..in a system that bets against her, the same one that labels her inferior and incomplete.

 

Such ignorant labels given to her by this “strong” man……

He calls himself that, hiding and cowering behind who he truly is……..WEAK!

So you tell me!

How can you blame her for being traumatized?

 

When, as she leaves her home, she’s being followed by judgmental eyes,

She’s being accused and singled out by bias, justified by systematic lies.

Being twisted and bent not to test her flexibility,

But to reach the breaking point of her entirety.

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She’s not hopeless, she just hopes less….

She wants as much fun as he has,

She wants the same opportunities that he gets,

She works just as hard as he does……

But yet it’s still not enough.

 

……what is she to do when…?

He explores all corners of his imagination and gets a pat on the back,

But if she dares to explore all corners of her room, her reputation is attacked.

 

Fuckin’ double standards….

Fuckin’ coward……

Fuckin’ WEAK!

 

But despite this,

Despite knowing what she knows,

Despite these intolerable acts against her,

She gets up every morning, gets dressed and faces the world!

………she refuses to let him win even when the odds are against her.

She’s a survivor….NO…she LIVES!

Because she has the strength of a WOMAN!!

There’s No Place Like Home

Home is where the heart is.

He’s drifting away…….! Far beyond what he knows, far beyond where he wants to be and even further beyond where his thoughts can take him. He’s lost beyond words can explain, lost beyond his own understanding, so far gone that he can feel insanity clenching while he’s still trying to keep a tight grip on his sanity.

He’s almost lost beyond the point of no return but he refuses to admit it out loud or to himself, he refuses to accept that he’s lost his way! Too much pride and too much sadness, he clings to what little hope he has  bottled up and powers through what seems to be HOPELESSNESS! As his brain fights to grab hold of the words, they manage to slip between the grasp and everything that clouds his mind remains unheard.

BUT he’s still determined and trying to get back home…..

To a place of comfort, to a place of security; to a place of trust, to a place where he’s free. Free from the sadness, free from loneliness, free from the burden and free from this journey that seems to have no destination. You see, he knows where home is or where it’s supposed to be, but he just doesn’t know how to get there. He’s a homeless man walking a path with no map, no compass and no plan but getting there.

Man In The Rain

There’s a well known quote that says “when it rains it pours”. This quote resonates so much with him because it’s just those nights, those rainy nights a temptation begins to overwhelm him, a temptation that whispers to him, “young man it’s cold outside, just knock on the door of one of these beautiful houses and seek shelter”. He’s only human so he considers the option. He considers how tired his feet are and how cold & wet outside has been. He considers how tough it has been walking streets night after night and alone. Regardless of it all, his HOPE and DESIRE to be HOME allows him to walk past all of these open doors without setting foot on the doorstep.

He isn’t guided by the obvious instruments that are granted to us to see, he uses what not even eyes can see and that’s the DESTINATION. Now, close your eyes and open your heart: The home that he seeks isn’t a structure nor is it a building, it’s a place where his mind, body and soul can live and feel fulfilled, for fulfillment is part of what he seeks.

Despite what I just told you, the home he seeks, HIS home that he is seeking is surrounded by walls. These walls stretch long and tall, as tall as Jericho’s and just as those, he is determined they too will fall.

You see, he’s not intimidated by any obstacle that stands in his way, as long as he finds himself on the right side of them. In most cases he prefers to be on the outside of walls, but in this case he seeks comfort on the inside. He’s a man seeking shelter and comfort, so all he really wants is to be trapped in a place he calls home!

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He just wants to be trapped in your love..........

Dear Young Men, Being A Brother Is Practice.

Dear siblings, I’m not sorry to inform you that you’re all experiments.

Young men! Young, caring, loving men. Your life has more meaning than you may know, your role has more effect than you may think, your being has more pressure than you should have, nevertheless, here you are. Generalizing is a very tricky and sensitive way to go about judging who someone is, or in other cases, could be. BUT young men, the evolved status of your brother-ship has been tarnished by many before us, and we must begin to scrub away that stain. You see, being a brother is the first step to becoming a father. There’s a first for both, but there’s only 1 result, and that is to be GREAT at it.

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I’ve been thinking on my role as an older brother for some time now. What I’ve done for my siblings, what I do for them, and also what I will eventually (be able to) do for them. I’m not in any way trying to create a formula or a fixed guideline, I’m simply trying to bring about awareness. My focus is to help you discover just how important you are, and just how important the process is for your siblings and of course yourself.

Before we continue I just want to make one thing clear. When I use the term “brother”, I’m using it as relation by bond and not only by biology. There is no way to run away from your responsibilities, just as there is no way to run away from your influence.

 Being an older brother you will find yourself being quite involved in the lives of your younger siblings. Your role ranges from motivating, emotionally supporting, guiding, you’ll sometimes find yourself being a personal driver and at other times, a bank (of course without the payback part), and believe me when I tell you, the list goes on. It’s all an experience, it’s all an experiment. There’s no one way to be a big brother, there’s no one way to be a parent, but this experience is a start to figure out what works for you.

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So dear young men,

YES, there is be a lot of pressure and there is a lot of responsibility. Someone will always be looking up to you, someone will always be watching you and you will always guide someone, just know that it’s all practice for raising your own (eventually).

It can be easy, but it will be hard. As long as you try, as long as you transform yourself into the right example, as long as you embrace your responsibility, you will make it work. The trick is treating your siblings how you would want to be treated, treating your siblings how you will treat your child(ren), treating your siblings exactly how you want your child (who will become a sibling) to treat their siblings. The first step starts with you, create a trend that inspires positivity!!

And dear siblings,

Just know that being an experiment doesn’t associate itself with negativity. You should be proud to have an older sibling that’s trying to perfect kindness and positive influence on you. Embrace the love and let the positive influence you.

Best wishes,

A brother trying to be a GREAT brother, a brother aspiring to some day be a GREAT father, a brother trying to lead brothers to be BETTER brothers.

Happiness Is Your Compass

As you keep turning or flipping the calendar, you’ll come to a period where you will need to ask yourself a question or 2. Is it a must? No, but it’s a should.

So I’m guessing you’re waiting to read what these questions are, fine! Keep reading then…….Remember, I’m not forcing you, it’s just an opinionated suggestion. 

Question 1: What makes you happy? What are the things that drive you or motivate you?

Question 2: Are you genuinely happy, or are you just being content? Are you settling for your current life status?

Question 3: Are you accomplishing what you want out of life, or what people are expecting of you? Is your life story being written by you or others?

Question: Are you alive or living? It’s one thing to have life, but are you using it?

Now, you may think that these are pretty basic question, which may well be true, but don’t be so quick to judge. Ask yourself how simple they really are.  Are they simple to answer, or are they just simple to read and understand? If you don’t know the answer to a question, you’ll never be able to answer it. You see, the thing about not self-reflecting or evaluating your life is, you become quite unaware. Unaware from the most simple things in your life to the most complex. You become so comfortable with the way your life is going that you sometimes settle and ‘go with the flow’. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that this in itself is a bad thing, but ask yourself another question……why settle? 

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Happiness isn’t about being accepting or being okay with your current situation. Happiness is about being where you want to be in every context. Where you want to be physically, mentally…….in general, being where you want to be in life. But to be there you need to know where there is and what it is that makes you happy. You will have family and friends who are ambitious FOR you, they will want FOR you, they will HOPE for you, they will expect FROM you, but at the end of the day they have no idea exactly what it is you really want. Their vision should never be your goal. Not because it looks and sounds good means that your path, there are many other paths that look and sound good. So…..Is that what you really want? Is that where you really want to go? Is that who you want to be? Will that make you happy? As you can see, it all ties in which each other.

You owe it to yourself to be the captain of your own ship, so take control of the wheel and steer your life in the direction that you want to head. You see, true happiness comes from accomplishing your own goals, doing what YOU want to do, being where YOU want to be, and only when you are doing so you are truly living…..LIVING YOUR LIFE! Take some time out and reflect on your life, ask yourself the relevant questions, answer the questions and live your life how you want, you deserve to live your life happy doing what you love.

Hurricane Irma: St.Maarten’s rise from the ashes.

Wednesday September 6th 2017. Just as 22 years before that, my island, my home will remember this date.

While the foreign media, local media, many foreign and local individuals may choose to highlight the negatives, I believe that the positive should not be overlooked. The world, just as much as you and I, are aware of this disaster caused by Hurricane Irma. This horrific, ugly storm that took away so much from so many people. I believe that the experience, the memory and the visuals are sufficient to tell the story for itself. Hours of that terrifying experience is more than enough for one to live through, so why is there a need to force these victims and the rest of the world to live through it again?

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Can you imagine, or even try to imagine what it was like living through such a monstrous disaster hour after hour not knowing when it would end? I’m talking about 200 mph wind, gusting , whistling, pressuring through every crack that it can, tearing apart everything it can grab hold of. Heavy rain pouring with no signs of letting up, flooding everywhere and everything that touches the ground. Being trapped in your house, walls shaking as if the storm itself held onto them trying to pull them apart. With such fury and anger, hearing your roof tearing away bit by bit, all you can do is HOPE….yes HOPE! that whatever is fastening your roof will be strong enough to withstand the horrifying grips of Irma. What a scary feeling, what a scary thing to imagine, because that’s all I can do, IMAGINE. I wasn’t there, I didn’t experience this, so all I can TRY and do is translate a fragment of the feelings my friends and family expressed to me.

Wow! Just rethinking the stories has me shook. But as I said before, my focus right now isn’t the weaknesses that Hurricane Irma exposed about my people, but the strengths it did. My Sint Maarten people, YOU are survivors, YOU are strong, but most importantly YOU are ADMIRABLE. Through it all where the odds weren’t in their favor, they are still rising above. Through it all when so much was taken away, they are still rising above. ADMIRABLE is the only word I can think of that can give you an idea of how strong they are and how progressive their strengths are making them. We’re almost a few days short of a month post Hurricane Irma and SXM is already crawling, in some cases even walking. Yes our legs aren’t strong enough to make the steps alone, but we’re getting there. Power is restored to most parts of the island, and so is water. Businesses, banks, gas stations, restaurants, supermarkets, and stores are opened and more are opening as the island progresses. Today, October 2nd 2017 schools are already getting back into full swing, so our kids can already get back intp their routine. Cleaning efforts are being executed on a large scale, so the streets are being cleaned and debris are being cleared around the island. The port is already operational, the airport is undergoing its repair process, but is functional for military and relief aircrafts. Now you tell me, just a few weeks after such a devastation, how can you not be impressed? My island may be small, but we have big hearts!

You know what makes me smile most? The sight of St.Maarten operating as a community. All hands are on deck, everyone is helping one another get back on their feet one way or another. Great initiatives are being made by banks and other other business through these tough times to help alleviate the strain of the people. So as much as it hurt to see my island in the state that it is in, it’s heartwarming to see the progression of the people. One can have nothing else but a smile to see the strides being made, to see how we as people are maturing in the right direction.

So tell me, how can I focus on the bad and the ugly when there is so much beauty happening right in front of my face? My home is being rebuilt brick by brick, house by house, not alone, but together. Together with the help of its people, together with the help of our fellow humans & earthlings, together with the help of the relief efforts, and together with the help of the family and friends of Sint Maarten that’s living abroad.

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I’ve always been proud of my island, and this just makes it more clear as to why I am! As I’ve seen so many mention and I love it, “Sint Maarten is just temporarily closed for renovation, we’ll be back soon!”.

Just a FEW pictures of the positive progression that is happening and been happening on St.Maarten:

Mind Gone

This is the hardest part of it all, accepting. There are so many thoughts, emotions, and feelings that’s caged inside of your body with no point of escape. I can feel it all bottling up inside of me, unsettled – as if my mental is a victim of my physical. They say “caging a beast will never end well in the end”, at this point I can attest to that. My sanity is going, I’m losing grip of my control, I’m simply losing my mind. Don’t take this lightly, I mean this is in every context you’re able to put that line in.

My life is one that’s been on a journey. My mental was built on experience, what little I may have to some, what great amount I have according to myself. I’ve molded my mental with confidence, not of it’s ability to hold my mind, but with confidence that my mind would not be altered by external factors. But you see, I’m a dreamer, some may call me something of an optimist. I’m hopeful in what greatness tomorrow may bring, by of course excluding the negative possibilities.

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It seems thought that reality is winning against this fantasy of a world I’ve been hiding behind. This charade, this facade of a life. I’ve sentenced my mind to a lifetime of no escape, no chance of being free, for the only FREEdom I had was if my mind stayed with me. I can feel the battering, the tearing down of walls, the movements searching a way of escape. I cannot allow my fortress to be breached, I WILL not allow that.

I’ve realized and decided that I must win this battle, but to win takes great sacrifice. My mind will never be at peace if it’s not at peace. Enough of the fighting, it’s time to start ACCEPTING what is and put your mind to rest.

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